OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DONUTS

I love watching Weight Watcher commercials. I love watching commercials talking about healthy choices. If I could make healthy choices I wouldn't be in this mess. Where is a diet for obsessive compulsives? Where is the diet that will make us want to stuff our mouths with carrots instead of donuts? Where is the immediate gratification diet?

I want something where Sonic, Dairy Queen, Jack in the Box, pasta galore, M&M's by the bed, Rice Krispie treats, tons of mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, noodles and butter at midnight, pizza, haagen-daz by the pint and reese cups works. I want to be able to eat and not sweat.

If I want cheesecake ( a whole one) because I'm depressed, I want a diet that will work with it. I want my fat cells not to go into overdrive because I look at a box of milk duds. I want a diet that takes into account the medicinal properties of ice cream when you don't feel good. I want oreo's to lose calories if I break them in half. I want to eat popcorn at movies because it's part of the whole entertainment package.

I am insanely jealous of people that can still eat and not wake up looking like a wall-eyed salmon. I don't understand how one tiny slice of cheesecake can add 5 lbs in 8 hours. I can duct tape this crap to my thighs and bypass my stomach to save time. WTF? Why does your body say at 50 you have to eat rabbit food otherwise you'll look like crap?

I've got so much preservatives in my system from all the McDonald's over the years that I don't have wrinkles. Plus, I have too much fat that I fill out all the wrinkles anyway.

Maybe I need to come up with a diet that incorporates 3 days of eating good and 4 of eating whatever I want. Well, how about 2 days of eating good and 5 of eating crap. Maybe science should come up with a pill that negates calories in food. Maybe fat should come back in style... that look of affluence because you have food to eat and thin is ugly. Ok, it was an idea. I know, WON'T HAPPEN.

If I would just exercise. I hear my daughter laughing from the other room.............................

None of this works for me.