Friday, June 26, 2009


A dissipating thunderstorm over Kent, United K...Image via Wikipedia

What a bad day.

I don't know how many people react to the weather like I do, but I know this isn't all in my head. The thunderstorms finally hit but it's been two days of humidity that has increased my pain level from voodoo to OMG-make it stop!

It starts like a quiet tightening spring that's winding up to let go and rapidly building up to a body that feels like its been hit by two trucks and then they backed up and ran over me again. It's a barometric pressure free for all and I'm right in the middle.

I feel like I'm on a never ending cycle. No sleep equals more pain. Take medications for the pain and muscle relaxers so I can sleep and it works for a week or so. Then it doesn't work. Why my brain won't shut off is beyond me. I can't turn it off and just go to sleep. It doesn't matter that my bedroom is dark and that I've taken a hot bath or shower before getting in bed. It doesn't matter that everything is conducive to a great nights sleep. It just doesn't matter. Alpha wave intrusion is simply that my brain continues to work and it won't let me reach the deeper levels of sleep.
alpha waves.Image via Wikipedia

As I look out my window, clouds are building again. This tells me that everything will be out of reach once again. My body just hurts and, of course, this puts my attitude in the toilet. I am truly afraid of taking enough medication to put me out of pain. I want enough to take the edge off and make it manageable because, god forbid, I really end up with this pain forever, I don't want to be so far into pain medications that nothing works for truly horrific pain.

So, having answered my own question once again, I take my little tiny bit and resign myself that humidity and thunderstorms are just something to get through as best as I can without whining and crying.

I cry for my old self. I'm crying out of frustration and I cry for what used to be. I'm crying because every bone in my body aches. I'm frustrated and annoyed that this near photographic mind isn't thinking clearly today and I can't remember where I put my keys so that I can make myself get out of my house just to do SOMETHING.

I'm not going to stress out about it. I'm going to drag this stiff, sore body around my house and methodically go to the logical places where my keys would be. I'm going to realize that this is what it is and right now I can't change it. I'm going to say to myself that it could be a lot worse because it could be a lot worse. I'm going to take a deep breath and think.



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