Wednesday, March 10, 2010


37 Fricking Percent.
It just never stops, does it?

Right now Fibromyalgia has been classified as a neurosensory disorder characterized, in part, by abnormalities in the central nervous system pain processing center. The central nervous system (CNS) consisting of the  brain and spinal cord, are easily injured by accidents or stress. Studies show that people with trauma are 13% more likely to develop Fibromyalgia. Also stress, whether it is from emotional, physical or chemical means, is a cause of this disease.

Trauma and Fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia stemming from cervical or any kind of trauma is still very controversial in the medical community. One of my doctors doesn't believe it; one of them does believe that trauma from my auto accident is the cause. I truly believe the trauma from the accident that I had tipped the scale in Fibromyalgia's favor. I was so different 2 years ago. I wanted to move around and through any back pain that I had. I wore heels; high ones. I swore I'd never leave them behind. I loved to laugh and be with friends and family. I would have bad days but not many. The good days were in abundance. Speaking of abundance, even in this economy I was financially sound. I can unequivocally proclaim that this accident definitely did something to me. 

The humidity and the subsequent pain that it brings gets me a little moody and introspective. When I start to think about how different my life is today I then go from slightly moody to really pissed off. When doctors tell me the Fibro isn't caused by the accident then I want to know why I changed. I'm not a weak sister. I've tried to fight this all the way. I even tried going back to what I normally do only to fall in bed in pain after a day at work. I'd wake up in the morning and get ready to go and almost cry. Sitting on my fanny or curled up in bed in pain isn't my idea of a good time. I don't like to be around a lot of people that know me because they see the difference in me and I hate the pity. 

Attention seekers.

I know that some people revel in the fact that they are chronically ill. It gives them the attention they crave. If they didn't find it in illness they would find it in something else. There is not a  question in my mind. I do not think that most people fall into this category but the few that do taint it for everyone else. The problem is a two-edged sword. If you lay in bed because you hurt, you're a drama queen over-exaggerating your condition. If you get up and try to fight it then you're able to do something and it's not a disabling condition. It seems that you just can't win.

So, as I'm waiting for all these people to make their determinations regarding the severity of my condition and the causes of my illness I am writing. I'm writing to make a difference for myself and anyone else who is suffering as well. It isn't easy watching your life go down the toilet and be at the mercy of all these outside influences. Patience was never a virtue that I possessed. If it was able to be grabbed I wanted it NOW. 

Life Sentence not Death Sentence.

Yes, this isn't an illness that will disappear after a round of antibiotics. This will be with me for the rest of my life. Being in jail handcuffed and bound is so tough to take. There will be limitations on my body and my psyche. There are days that I deal with it well and there are days that I don't. I think that I have to go through the process of grieving for the life that I once had. I can't worry about the loss and I have to be able to dig deep down and not be bitter about it.  I have to find something to do and I realize it isn't going to be what I once loved. What I used to do is too physically and emotionally taxing for me to handle at this point in my life. It was a life of stress squared, so I'm gradually learning how to leave it behind and search for another creative outlet.

Is this it?

I'm not sure but I love it.

Now I just have to figure out how to make money from it.

Ah, yes..........the sordid topic of coin.


  1. Just wanted to send a quick hi and let you know I enjoy reading your blog....nice to know I am not crazy,,,,:)

  2. Thanks sweetie! There are days I think I am crazy! I've enjoyed your posts too! I feel the exact same way!


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