Thursday, March 18, 2010


I don't understand why I have to look sick to be sick. I've tried really hard to keep the pain that I feel on a daily basis from appearing in my eyes or my smile. I still like to pretend that I don't have a care in the world. When I put on makeup I look fine. Is that a problem? 

Maybe I should go to the doctor looking like something the cat just dragged in the house. Maybe I shouldn't suck it up and whine and cry instead of putting on  my big girl panties. Maybe I should just crawl in the door and act the way I feel instead of the way I want to feel. Just because I sound fine or I look fine doesn't mean that I'm not in pain or exhausted from a lack of refreshing sleep. The problem is that what I have is variable. Symptoms change from hour to hour or sometimes minute to minute and then to top it all off they vary in intensity.

I get it. A lot of doctors don't want to deal with this because they can't cure it. They can't throw a couple of prescriptions at you and then say, "call me in the morning." You look fine! Get some exercise and you'll feel better. I hate to tell them that IT'S NOT WORKING!

Fibromyalgia is sneaky. You can feel fairly good one day and crash the next. I've spent the better part of this year in pain. I have had a couple of days where the pain levels diminished along with the humidity and now the humidity seems to be rising again. I would just like a week where I don't feel like I've taken up residence in a physicians office or they're not on my speed dial.

Today? Today I am SO tired. I can't seem to keep my eyes open. I've forced myself to get out of bed but when I sit down I want to put my head on the end table and just go to sleep. My muscles ache and I just can seem to get it together. My body hurts so much that I wish I could knock myself out and just sleep it off. The muscle spasms are starting early today and I want to put the covers over my head.

This is why my best friends are now my heating pad and spa tub. Heat seems to help the pain in my back and the swirling water helps the muscle spasms.

Geez, that sounds so pathetic, even to me.


Post a Comment

Please leave a comment!