Tuesday, April 20, 2010


Wherever it is, I want to be there. However long it takes to get there, I want to go. Tonight, I want to go to la-la land because the rain is coming. What this has done is make every muscle feel like stone and I feel like I'm carrying around every last brick. I've already started slugging down the pain medication because it's going to be a very long night. If they don't start to work shortly I'm going to slug down a couple more. 

I absolutely refuse to hurt like this all night long. Someone came in and beat the crap out of me and I feel it. 

Every bone. 
Every muscle.
Every nerve ending.
Every fiber of my being.


I've read other blogs and I must say that some people have mostly good days but there is a core group that has more bad ones than good ones. This is the group I love to read about. It helps to know that there is someone out there experiencing the same things that I do. Even when the pain is somewhat manageable not a day goes by that I don't have some level of pain. What that does is screw with my head. 

Maybe it falls under misery loves company.

I'm afraid to go to the doctor to say I'm depressed because then they'll label what I have "depression." I'm not depressed. It's the constant pain that causes me to evaluate everything about myself. Try hurting like this day in and day out and see if you can remain Little Mary Sunshine. 

There are days when I go out but I still hurt. There are functions I can attend on a limited basis but I still hurt. I hurt when I wake up and I still hurt by the time I want to go to sleep. Notice I said want to go to sleep. I still hurt when I can't sleep and wish I could. I hurt when I see my daughter and when I see the in-laws. I still hurt when I force myself out of the house. Anymore I hate to go anywhere because it's just an exercise in futility. What fun is it to go out when I'm constantly reminded by my body that I'm not going to have fun because of the pain?

I've been afraid to up the dosage on the pain medication but I would love a couple of days that are totally pain free. I know...I know......that's too much to ask.

Now it's late or very early in the morning.....however you want to look at it. I still can't sleep and the pain is still present. I must be psychic because I'm going to make a prediction. Today my attitude will be in the toilet. The humidity is still rising and my pain along with it. By the time this ends I'm going to be in tears and wish I could find that ticket to my favorite place.

Screw Disneyland.

I want to go to la-la land.

1 comment:

  1. Can I copy and paste this post and put it on my blog...IT IS SO WHAT I WANT TO SAY!!!!!!

    I sswear if I didn't have my siber (sp)fibro friends I don't know how I would get through my day sometimes!!!

    I have so wanted to up my meds somedays. I take Oxycontin 40mg 2x a day. I feel quily for taking it because I know all the bad about it but it helps with my pain. I have wanted to come off because people make me feel quilty. I mean with my severe IBS, it doesn't help but the pain relief is better.
    Have you checked into the Magnesium Malate? It has helped give me some energy...I am taking 2400 Mg a day. This is only 2 pills.When you google it, it comes up for fibro...who knew??? Let me know what you think??
    Have an awesome day...
    I read CJ's blog and left her a message..;)

    Thanks for your friendship, I am here for you anytime night or day!!!
    336-317-0301 my cell is always with me 24/7


Please leave a comment!