Tuesday, March 23, 2010


There seemed to be something in the air.

Today just seemed to be the day that I could have slept all day long. Last night I didn't sleep much at all. It seemed like every hour I was turning and awake. I was exhausted. I talked to my daughter and she was tired too. The problem is that I see a lot of the same symptoms in her that I have. At least she has an appointment to see the doctor and get a jump on this before it gets out of hand.

The sleep deprivation does so much damage to daily life. I used to be able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat but most importantly, I could stay asleep. Even during the most stressful periods of my life sleep problems were non-existent. Sleep was the time where I could forget the days worries and problems and sink into blissful slumber.  What I'd give for days like that again! 

Medications, even the natural ones, don't seem to give me the deep sleep that I need. I do think that the natural sleep aid called Midnites, which is melatonin, seems to help me fall asleep. They dissolve quickly and taste pretty good. I also use aromatherapy for sleep; well, I'll try anything at this point.

Staying asleep is a whole other problem. It's the alpha wave intrusion that plagues me. The disrupted sleep leads to the fatigue and a whole host of other symptoms. At a time when we should be in deep rest the awake brain waves (alpha waves) intrude and the deep REM sleep is gone. 

What is prescribed as behavioral modifications for the treatment of insomnia doesn't seem to me to be particularly helpful to someone with Fibromyalgia. I understand what the intent is but for me it just wouldn't work. Actually, it would make it worse. For example, let's just take no TV, phone or computer while lying in bed. Ok, let me think about this. If I'm in a great deal of pain and I'm in bed that means I have nothing to distract me. All I will do is be in bed and have nothing to think about but the pain. Nope, that won't work. 

Let's try maintaining a regular sleep schedule and waking at the same time no matter what amount of sleep you've gotten during the night. Well, this one will increase the sleep debt considerably. I can maintain a sleep schedule all I want. All this will do will insure that my eyes will be open at 3 or 4 in the morning but no matter what I will get up at 8 in the morning. Oh, also one of the other prescribed treatments is not to nap during the day. With the amount of sleep deprivation that I already have let's increase it by forcing myself to stay awake when there just might be a possibility that I can get some quality sleep. 

Now for the exercise. I'll agree that people with Fibromyalgia need to exercise. Too much and we're down for the count. Not enough exercise and we're down for the count. There's a fine balance and you need to know your body so that you don't go into the overdo it - then pay for it cycle. It doesn't seem to have any influence on how much sleep I'll be able to get during the night. 

Maintaining a ritual before bed seems easy. It's nice and it feels good but it doesn't make any difference in my sleep quality. 

If these recommendations worked I'd follow them. I'd not only follow them I'd shout it from the rooftops but what we have goes beyond simple behavioral modifications. Our body chemistry is totally screwed up and it will take more than maintaining rituals to fix it.

So today has been a day of fatigue and the ever present fog. I'm still not sleeping and the pain level is about a 6.........

and this has been one of the better days.......


  1. Hi,
    What a beautiful site you have. The header is so pretty and where did you get that picture above?
    Esp., though, I enjoyed reading what you wrote. It is so honest. It almost makes me cry. That could be from lack of sleep though.
    I'm so tired I can't even do things like my son needs a cell phone. I'm going to get him one of those from Consumer Cellular, (what awesome deals)-- but it means I have to have him here to give permission-- it means I have to think. Lately I haven't been able to think and I'm really upset about it. Like crying all day every day even while I'm doing things, I'm still crying.
    I thought my horse ride would make me feel better and it did, mentally. Physically, the pain is all over my body. It feels like fire. It is in my lungs. And I can't think.
    If I could only sleep. And sleep. And sleep. In fact, if I had three wishes, my son getting well would be the first and then I would wish that I could sleep every night 'cause I'd probably get well enough just from that!
    Sorry, I'm in a bad way today. The last few months I've had an awful time. Lots of memories of a relationship I was in and it makes me sad.
    I keep thinking I could meet someone if I could only get out of the house, but lately my eyes are barely open, they are bloodshot, my limbs feel like noodles and my brain, like a blob of mush. (I don't really know what mush is but spell check took it).
    Actually, I often think my son has chronic fatigue too. I wish we could get tested for that virus. He gets so tired after exercise and is wiped out for at least a day afterward. I hate so much to think he could have it. Plus, getting a doctor to see anything other than a diagnosis of a mental illness would be challenging.
    He had a social worker a year ago who asked me if I thought my son had fibro/chronic fatigue. I was quick to say no. Now I look back and think how I just didn't want to think it. Now I think it.
    I'm glad I read this post. Like you said, if your daughter gets help now, maybe she can get better before it gets so bad.
    It sounds like, from what you wrote, that you do not take pain medication. I do. I can't imagine not taking any right now. My pain is around a six too lately. Upon waking, it is no less than a ten, emergency room kind of pain, but then when I get up it goes down to about an eight. Then I take the medication, which helps me but does nothing for the severe mind and body fatigue.
    Well, I have spilled my beans here. Thanks for the (lovely) space to share here. I hope you have a good day.

  2. Good morning! I got the site from Lena. Go down to the very very bottom of my site and there's a link to her website. She has quite a few free ones and they're beautiful! I do take pain medication and can't be without them at this point but I still can't sleep. Even with the meds it's about a 6. I know it's tough to think about the kids having this awful crap but it's very possible. Is it viral or inheirited?? Either way I pray she doesn't have this. The condition I'm in I don't think anyone I'd meet would want me like this. I'm not an appealing package in my eyes. Between the sickness and what it's done financially I probably wouldn't be high on anyones to do list! I know that's pessimistic but that's the way I feel at this point! Are you on facebook? If so friend me!

  3. Hi,
    Thanks for your comment on my blog. That was sweet to see it first thing this morning. I kind of need friends lately, even if they are internet friends.
    I started a blog on Google yesterday, but was actually only trying to sign up for friend connect,lol. I'm not too internet savvy. I may keep it and use it for one subject only. I write about anything I want to in my wordpress blog. I thought I might use the Google Blogger to write only about dogs, or keep a creative online journal, but am unsure if I should have two blogs.
    I am sick right now, more than usual. I get thrush on my tongue and in my tummy sometimes. I don't know why except I get it when I'm really sick -- I just didn't realize I was in such poor shape lately -- but I am.
    Due to a bike fall on Halloween, tearing tendons and ligaments, then a bit more than a month ago I was wiping a cabinet door knob and it broke. I had a severe cut to two fingers damaging (not permanently) some tendons, well, it has all gotten the best of me.
    I think having to be even less mobile these past six months sent me back into somewhat of a traumatized state of mind over a man I loved, who turned on me and became cruel. It is so hard to let that go.
    Then my family! I love them but they don't understand. My sis called last night. I am soo depressed right now. Clinically in all it's glory! I only told her I was a bit down. (I wonder if I should tell them the truth. Tell them just how really sick I am?)
    She asked me what was wrong and if something had happened. ???
    None of them have called in months, but they say they love me.
    Hopefully I will be feeling better soon. Indeed I must!
    My account on FB is deactivated. I kind of had issues. Not too internet savvy.
    I have to check my comments. I think I have two people named Rose --only one goes by Rosemary. I have to see which one you are, lol. I think I know but one has told me, in a very long comment a lot about God/ fibromyalgia -- that would be the same subject in this context.
    Either way, I love your blog. It is very honest and refreshing. So glad to see someone who isn't afraid to write the way you do about living with fibromyalgia.
    Have a nice day and I look forward to our communicating more. I can see the sun coming through the window just now. I hope it shines all day! I love the morning sunshine.

  4. wishing botn of you ladies a great day!!!
    Last week my daughter was on her college spring break and she spent it with me, i know kinda scary...huh!! anyway on one of those days we had lunch and just had a good ol heart to heart talk, the kind where we both cried. she misses the old me and i prayed to God that she never gets fibro/cfs because I don't think I could live with that!! She has been getting headaches on a regular basis and it worries me that it is the start of something....
    don't know why i shared that, just felt like it...:)
    I hope you don't mind RoseMary Lee but I am going to friend you on FB.


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