It's been a bad week. Ever since I went to the dentist I've been in hurting mode. I've spent my evenings in the jetted tub trying to get my mind off the pain. Trust me, it hasn't worked. Even now, as I type this I don't know if I can finish what I'm trying to write.
I feel like I'm being erased by pain. I'm taking the medication and muscle relaxers as directed so I'm sleeping during the day; more so than usual. My muscles are cramping and sore and my body feels so stiff. It almost hurts to walk.
So I don't.
I'm in bed trying to feel even a little bit better.
I feel very sorry for myself right now.
I understand what people mean about confinement. I am trying to do everything in my power to keep my mind active and busy but, right now, at this point it isn't working. I've watched movie after movie to keep me entertained but it's not working. The bad thing is that I haven't wanted to post about my pain and whining.
I really want to write something uplifting and upbeat that could be somewhat inspirational; but I can't. I would love to write how I've managed to overcome the pain and fatigue; but I can't. I want to say that I just ignored it and went about my day; but I can't. I feel boxed in and confined and I would love to break free; but I can't.
My day is being defined by how I feel and I don't feel good.
I want to say I can.
But I can't.
I am so sorry, Rose. I had hoped you were on the mend from the dentist ordeal. How awful to have that dental pain with the Fibro in a flare!
ReplyDeleteYou do NOT have to entertain us, you know! It is okay to not be okay. Sometimes we just need to bitch (see my post today---that is all I did!).
I, too, was trying to think of something informative or witty the last several days, but the fatigue has had a death grip on me for the last couple of weeks and I can't---well I can't do anything. It is hard to focus or concentrate. I keep zoning in and out. Sometimes when I zone back in I don't know if what I was thinking about is really pertinent to what is actually happening or if it was something in my "dream" stage. I truly am spacey and it makes my family think I am going off the deep end for real. Sometimes I think I am, too.
Hold on with us, Rose. You are in my prayers (and I am betting many other folks, too)and I am sending positive thoughts and energy to you as best I can.
Hugs,
CJ
Oh CJ.........I am so sorry you feel this way too. I know about feeling like you're going off the deep end. I feel that way to. I'm just so f***ing sick of the pain. It barely lets up and then it starts in again.
ReplyDeleteI know I don't have to entertain you guys but it's more of a way to stay in contact and a pulse on friends that mean a great deal to me even though we've never met. You know what I mean??
I just get so annoyed by bitching but you're right. If I can't bitch to my friends I'm in trouble!!
I keep thinking about you too. When are you going to Louisiana?? I keep you in my prayers about this, truly , I do. I'm going to go read your post. I've just been hiding and depressed.
Thank you so much, my friend!
Hi Rosemary, thank you for stopping by. My mom's name is Rosemary, a beautiful name I have always loved!
ReplyDeleteOk I am crying. why is this happening to us. I have no one but my husband and sister that I n talk to about this. My longtie friends don't understand and I find myself pulling further away. I sound like a broken record I'm sure And you know I dont get many invitations to go anywhere, Idon't blame anyone, usually not able to go or in pain.
So..not only do you lose your body and mind, you also have that loss of friends..and a lot of that is my fault for pulling myself away.
Some days I wonder why I get dressed, I always try to get dressed, but by mid aftenoon I am so exhausted and hurting I am back in my nighty and napping.
I am planning a week long trip back east with two of my online friends who I have never met..I am excited to be going, but afraid I am not going to be able to do all the things they want to do. they both know I have fibro, one is an RN and they said don't worry, if you need to rest, we have cell phones and can catch up. Guess I am just appehensive..But part of me is so excited to get out of this house for a few day..
Well is time for bed, wanted to say hi, sure did not mean to write a book! Hope to chat again!
Barb
Oh, I see you are in Las Vegas..I am near Palm Springs...not too far away!
ReplyDeleteBarb
Hey Barb........its not that far! Of course for me sometimes the trek to the kitchen is too far. :-(
ReplyDeleteRose,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are in such agony. That trip to the dentist has turned into a journey to hell. Keep expecting to feel better -- the brain and central nervous system will respond -- there's studies that support this.
with love, Judy
Rose, are you getting my emails? I have sent a couple I thought you might respond to, but haven't heard from you. You are coming through loud and clear with some wonderful mail that makes me smile and outright laugh---so good for the soul.
ReplyDeleteI know you have been HURTING with a capital "HURT" -- so you have every reason to not be answering mail (No Duh!) -- I just want to make sure you know I am not ignoring your emails -- no pressure to write, just let me know if I am coming thru !?!
I hope your pain is settling down, at least to a dull throb? Shoot, I know you hurt, I should not poke fun -- just hoping for a little smile that will ignore the pain for just one, damn minute!
Hugs & prayers,
CJ
Whoa! I am so sorry you are going through this. Pain, especially FMS pain is a pain!
ReplyDeleteThe Jetta tub thing sounds like it would be a great idea. The fact it isn't work tells me your are in a bad way.
I know there are times I wish I could unzip my body, step out of it, and then go about my business while it works out the pain stuff on its own! Wouldn't that be great!
Sending you gentle, gentle hugs today. Hang in there. Tomorrow is around the corner.
Hey my dear friends....yep I have been really really hurting but I medicated myself pretty good so it's a little more tolerable. Just when I get rid of it I'll be back at the dentist on Tuesday. Great huh? Also I've had trouble with my email and I don't know why. I have emails going to spam and when I close out of Outlook and I forget to check it, it deletes it when I check out. I've got to got through my settings and find out what the heck is going on.
ReplyDeleteYes I'm hurting but you are my friends and I can whine and bitch to you guys!
Thank you for checking on me.
Love to you, my friends
Rose