Saturday, July 10, 2010


July is always a tough month for me.
It's been 36 and 33 years
and even though the pain is gone
the reflections are bittersweet.

I don't think that you should learn the lesson of mortality in your early 20's. It changes you and, in my case, not for the better. My parents death shook me to my very core and removed the feeling of security. It served to cement the knowledge that nothing in this life is permanent and that knowledge has followed me, in varying degrees, until this very day. It not only followed me it shaped the way I looked at family, friends and life.

I didn't need or want to know that. 

I'm not sure what to write. I know that I miss them; their counsel and just their very presence. I believe that my life choices would have been very different if they had been here. I think if I had to decide, I'm more like my dad. He had a dry sense of humor and very quick decision making skills. He was more cerebral and very private. My mother was a wonderful cook and could make anything grow. She had a tender heart and showed every emotion on her face. She was hysterical and my dad likened her to Lucy. When I see some of the characteristics in writing I realize I'm a blend. I know that genetics obviously play a large role in development but, since I was adopted, I can tell you that a lot of it I picked up by osmosis. Either that or my biological parents were a carbon copy of my parents.

I really do wish that my daughter could have known her grandparents. That's one of my biggest regrets. They would have spoiled her rotten and to my mind, that is exactly what grandparents are supposed to do and I am certain that when my daughter has children I will most certainly follow that wonderful tradition. Spoil them and then send them home.

It's weird. July 9th is the anniversary of my mother's death and it is also the birthday of my daughter's almost mother-in-law.  When I was born I was premature and was in an incubator for 3 months. I needed to reach 5 pounds so I could go home. I was sent home on November 17th and that is the same day that I brought my daughter home from the hospital when she was born. My mother's birthday was May 26th and that is the day I got married. I could go on an on about coincidences with important dates in my life. It always seems to happen that way for some reason. Is that weird or what???

So July is a month of reflection for me. My parents would be in their 90's if they had lived. The other VERY strange thing is the age they were when they passed away. My mom was 59 and my dad was 61. They seemed so old to me......I mean, parents were old. They looked old to me and they acted old.  I'm almost the same age as my mother was when she died and I can't see myself as being old. I don't look it and I certainly don't act it. Come on, I am not ready to be a grownup!

That's the trick that age plays on us. Our bodies, no matter how in shape or toned we are, do age but our minds don't catch up. I still feel the same way that I did in my 20's except  I just have a little more experience under my belt. Well, a lot more experience. This is when I look in the mirror and  hate my neck. I've never been tempted to get a face lift but I have been tempted to refresh my neck just a tad. That's the thing about aging. You really do miss your neck. Also, when you walk down the street in your 60's, not many turn around and say, "whoa, baby"!

You know, I may be more like my mother than I realize. I started this post kind of blue and missing my mom. She was also a random thinker and she'd come up with stuff out of the blue and I'd look at her and wonder where the heck did that come from?  Well, I don't have to look far to find her. She's right here.

Hello mom.........your daughter is keeping up your glorious tradition and you'd be happy to learn that it has been passed on to your granddaughter. 

We're all just three little peas in a pod.


  1. Rose, Your post touched me. I didn't lose my parents until I was in my 50's and I still felt like an orphan. I can't begin to imagine how it was for you losing them both in your 20's.

  2. I know, Judy. I don't think it matters how old you are when you lose them. You do feel alone and it's an unsettling turn of events. I do think you're better equipped to deal with it in your 50's rather than your 20's.

  3. Well said Rosie. Thank you.

  4. No, thank you, my dear. After all these years....I'm still your favorite Jew. xoxoxo

  5. Very touching, Rose. My Mom and I are two peas in a pod. My daughter has some podish-ness to her, but mostly she is her very own kind of vegetable.

    I still have my Mom, though she lives in another state and we rarely get to see each other due to health problems on both our parts. I miss her terribly and she is just one state over. I am so sorry you didn't have more time with your parents.

    Very touching.



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