Wednesday, July 21, 2010


One of the markers of Fibromyalgia
is fatigue and muscle pain.
Right now, I have markers all over my body.
I feel like a road map.

It isn't going away. Even as I write this I'm getting shooting pains in my knees. Now it's going into my back. The voodoo pain has been working overtime. Even if I could lie still for a massage they'd have me screaming trying to get the knots out; the knots that are all over. 

I have to adjust my lifestyle. I not only have to adjust it, I have to accept it. I haven't made any progress in that arena yet. I think to myself, "I'll get a lot of things done. I can go through papers and organize my house."  I'd almost say that I'm on drugs for thinking that but it's true. I am on drugs so I can't say that. I did think I'd get some work done around my house. Every time I try I'm good for a couple of hours, I get very tired and I have to stop. 

I guess I should be happy with a couple of hours. It could be a lot worse and I have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Sometimes I become a whiner and the only way of getting myself to snap out of it is to remind myself that it could be so much worse. I'm not trying to minimize Fibromyalgia and the chronic pain that it brings, I'm just trying to put it in perspective for my own sanity. 

I've been spending a lot of time in the jetted tub. It's the only way I can find some relief. I just keep getting in and out of the tub all day long. I just throw in some Lavender Epsom Salts (because it smells good) and let the water swirl around me until I become a prune. If I still had my spa in the back yard I'd probably be living out there. Being weightless in the water really helps me. As I've always told my always feel better in the water. So for whatever ails you; get in the tub. The downside is that the jetted tub is so relaxing I fall asleep. That is NOT a good thing. So I turn on the music and keep the tub somewhat on the cool side. Now before you think that's icky figure that it's 113 degrees outside so it feels pretty good!

Everything we want and dream is more difficult for us now. None of our aspirations have changed but our bodies have changed. Pain takes away the confidence to move forward. Pain loves to play hide and seek and it will wait until the worst possible moment to jump out and say, "found you!!" We don't pull back because we want to, we pull back out of survival. We try to shield ourselves and conserve as much energy as possible because we don't know when we're going to need it. 

I have a belief system in place; I just have to believe it myself, in my heart of hearts.

I believe it's good to wallow in self pity every once in awhile.   ( once in awhile????)

I believe it's good to throw hissy fits because of the pain and fatigue.  ( I'm good at this one!)

I believe it's good to cry and miss the life we had.  ( oh yeah........ )

I believe it's good to get mad because our body betrayed us. ( it's done that big time! )

I also believe that inside each and every one of us who fights this disease is a warrior. 

We're tough and strong no matter how weak from pain and fatigue we feel.

And I also know that despite everything, we're going to win.

One day.

One hour.

One minute.

One second at a time. 

We will win. 

( I need to keep saying this..............)

1 comment:

  1. Good thoughts! I like how you said we are warriors. I hadn't really thought of it that way. And I'm with you, sometimes you have to just have some pity parties, and that to keep our sanity we do constantly have to remind ourselves it could be worse. Because if we keep saying it could be better, well that'll never get us anywhere good. And it truly could be worse, we do have things we can find to be thankful for, and ways we can stay afloat. We just have to keep fighting, keep persevering, hold on fast to our beliefs, and keep working toward reinventing who we are. I like what Mari Skelly says in her 2002 book Women Living with Fibromyalgia “The key came when I realized my life wasn’t over, it would now just be a different life.”

    So true.


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